Am I a pebble on the beach?

Am I a pebble on the beach?

An existential crisis is easily ended
I leave footprints in the sand, and dirty dishes in the sink don’t just magically appear.
The notion of why am I here? 
who cares?

I am, and that cannot be denied. Our personal importance is of no matter in the Grand Scheme of things, it is our vanity that makes us think it is so.

The waves erase the footprints, the dishes are washed and returned to the cupboard, and the Grand Scheme drones on with or without me.

I read a blog the other day, I can’t remember exactly which one or on which day, but the message stuck with me, and that’s the important part.

The message was; it’s easy to want things to be different, to want to start on a new path because the one you are on is not working as well as you thought it would.

Then there is the figuring out, do you just need to do alterations or do you need a whole new path. I have a habit, I think of changing paths completely before I have done everything possible to make a plan work, I give up midstream or more appropriately mid Dip (Seth Godin, “The Dip”). I lose track of the goal, it changes mid-stream sometimes and I lose focus. I guess it’s hard to decide if I am beating my head against a wall or I’m just not doing the work I need to do to get to the next level. Mostly, I think it is the latter.

Am I still battling that fear of rejection? Searching for the right medium and message that will satisfy my longing to make “important” art, they say you should pick one and stay there. I have not been very good at that… Going through archives of all the art I have created over the last bajillion years, I see so many styles and messages that I am happy I made and it feels like now I am just going with the flow, following instead of leading as an artist.

This has been a transitional year for me, even an earth-shaking year for me. So many changes in my world and more to come. I guess it is only right that I am also questioning my creative path. Maybe what I need to ask myself is; How can I let the changes I am going through infiltrate my art? How can the madness be expressed? Why do I feel the need to remain calm in my art when my life is in earth-shaking upheaval? And maybe my frustration and confusion are really about the fact that I do need to make big changes, but I am resisting because it seems I am always making changes. Change is good, right?

And even a pebble on the beach causes things to change.

Have a happy day.